State of Mind
by TheDarkLadyofLight
Summary: The war hit everybody hard. After seven months of being missing Harry returns to try to pick up the pieces of his scattered life while trying to keep where he was secret. Warnings: mentions of suicide, depression, and child abuse.


AN: First thank you so much for trying out this story, I hope it is what you are looking for. I want this t delve into the psyche of the people that went through trauma. It may seem a bit to happy at first to be realistic but there will be on going problems and trends through the story. Let me know what you think and ideas.

Chapter One: The Return

 _The Thoughts of Ronald Weasley_

 _I was always worried about Harry._

 _Even when we first met._

 _There's something about the way he copes with things. Or better: the way he doesn't cope with things. He holds everything inside. Takes everything personally, and will never talk about what truly upsets him._

 _Sure he will complain about the things that normal people complain about._

 _To be honest I always thought the only reason Harry complained about things was to fit in._

 _Something that truly hurt him though. Nothing. Not a word._

 _The only time Harry expressed his emotions was when he couldn't contain them anymore._

 _After the War Harry shut down._

 _He rarely went out in public._

 _Was always on edge._

 _Trusted nobody but Hermione and me._

 _Clung to us. Had to know all where we at all times. If we gone for more than a couple of hours he thought we had died._

 _When he wasn't a nervous wreck he was catatonic. That I know what catatonic means but Hermione used it to describe him._

 _Thus is why I am concerned._

 _Hermione had to find her parents, and I couldn't let her do it alone. Harry wanted to come also, but there was an incident where he thought he saw a Death Eater in Diagon Alley. Everybody decided that Harry wasn't ready for the public after that._

 _We left Neville in charge. He was close enough to Harry to understand. We would have got Ginny. But Hermione thought it would be a bad idea. I thought it would be a bad idea._

 _As soon as we left I knew it was a bad idea._

 _When we got back, Harry was gone._

 _No note._

 _Neville knew nothing._

 _Said goodbye to Ginny._

 _Gone._

 _Concerned_ _doesn't describe._

 _I honestly don't know if Harry is dead or alive._

 _I don't want to think about it, but Harry was not in a good place._

 _I am scared._

 _So bloody scared._

 **Seven Months Later**

Harry took a deep breath, raised his fist, and knocked on the door.

It had taken a long journey to get to this point. He personally never thought his life would take this turn, yet here he was in front of the Burrow for the first time in seven months.

The movements and motions in the house seemed to have stopped at his knock, letting him know that they all had indeed heard him. He awkwardly stuffed his hands in his pocket trying to control his nervousness.

What if they rejected him.

What if they turned him away.

What if they hated him now.

He tried his best to not think of these things, but they kept swirling around in his head.

'Think positive things. Think positive things. These people love you. These people love you.' He repeated internally to himself over and over. After a few seconds, which seemed like an eternity, he heard food steps towards the door. It opened cautiously, as a wand poked out first and then the head of Mr. Weasley was revealed.

Harry couldn't help but feel slightly glad that the Weasley's were perhaps as paranoid as him. That the war had changed them also.

"Harry?" the older man gasped in surprise, momentarily dropping his wand slightly. And then pulling it right back up.

"What was George's joke after losing his ear?"

Harry gave a faint smile. "Something about being holy."

Mr. Weasley immediately pocked the wand and swung the door entirely open as he drew Harry into a hug that Mrs. Weasley would be proud of. Harry stiffened at first but then awkwardly patted the man's back. One arm draped around Harry's shoulders as if to make sure Harry couldn't run away, Mr. Weasely guided Harry into the house.

"Look who showed up!" He exclaimed as he pulled Harry into the kitchen where they all must have been eating. If he hadn't been so nervous the looks on their faces would be hilarious. Ron's mouth was opened with mash potato's almost ready to fall out. Mrs. Weasley was clutching her napkin to her chest with tears in her eyes. George dropped his fork in his cup. Ginny and Hermione were staring at him with large in various stages of relief in shock. The next few seconds found Harry surrounded by redheads, hugging, laughing, and many claps on the back. Though he would never admit it, he had to subtly wipe his eyes, though he was not the only one.

Before he knew it he was seated beside Hermione across from Ron and Ginny with a plate heaped of food in front of him. He smiled at Mrs. Weasley as he started eating. It was after the fifth bite that he noticed all were quietly staring at him. He looked up to meet all of their eyes.

Ron cleared his throat, drawing Harry's attention to him.

"So. Harry. Mate. Where you been?" He asked bluntly.

Harry looked down at his plate. He had tried to prepare himself for the questions they asked. Now in the situation, he didn't really know how to respond. He knew he should just say the truth after all the Weasley's had done for him, but he was too ashamed.

"I... uh... had to take some time... uh... to sort myself out.. you know..."

Harry almost winced at the vagueness of the answer. Not daring to look up from his plate, he could almost feel the unbelieving eyes on him.

"Huh," Ron said shortly in reply. He was upset. Harry could tell by his tone.

"So are you sticking around again, or are you leaving after this. To... you know... 'figure yourself out'." Harry finally looked up and met Ron's hard eyes. He deserved that.

Beside him, he heard Hermione whisper, "Ron." As if telling him to drop it. He looked around at all the Weasley's, including Ginny, who was staring at him with a look mixed between hurt and relief.

Staring into her eyes trying with all his might to relay the honesty of the message he said softly, "I'm staying if that's ok with you all. I don't ever want to leave again."

Ginny's face was cold, but her eyes were happy.

All the Weasley's looked as if a weight was taken off their shoulders and the subject was dropped. But Harry knew the matter wasn't over. He had hurt them all by leaving without a word. He had a lot to make up.

It was late before any of the group had thought of sleeping. Bill and Fleur showed up around 9 pm with a bottle of fire whiskey. They all had sat in a circle and talked about happy things until at least two in the morning.

After taking one last shot of fire whiskey with all the rest, Harry stumbled to his feet. "Well I best be going," He said smiling.

The positive mood immediately left the room as all stared at him fearfully. "Harry dear," Mrs. Weasley said as she hugged him. "You can just stay here."

Harry shook his head, "No I don't want to be an inconvenience."

Ron immediately leaped to his feet locking his arm around Harry.

Trapping him, much like Mr. Weasley had done before. "No, mate you should stay. C'mon."

Moving Harry towards the stairs. "We'll both stay in my room just like old times."

Harry looked at Ron cautiously and then at the rest. All anxious to let him go. He met Ginny's eyes again. Her chin tilted up looking at him as if to dare him to try to leave.

Harry sighed. "All right. All right."

The happy mood returned as Ron lead Harry from the sitting room to his old room.

The cot he used to sleep on was set up like he had never left.

Harry smiled as he drifted off to sleep, the therapist was right. He had nothing to worry about. The Weasley's accepted him.

...

Harry woke to the smell of bacon and the sound of Ron's door banging open. Disoriented Harry immediately grabbed his wand at the loud noise. Looking up he saw Hermione and Ginny in the doorway staring at let the want go and pulled his blanket up over his bare chest and scars.

"Ginny 'Moine" He acknowledged with a nod, his face burning. Both girls looked flustered also. "What's going on?" He asked in the silence.

Ginny gave a nonchalant shrug, which was ruined by her burning red face, "Just checking."

Harry smiled uncertainty in his bed as the girls stood in the doorway.

It was Ron who broke the silence with a groan, "The git is here. Can you leave now so we can sleep."

The girls glared at Ron but left shortly after that.

Harry laid back in bed, not sure how to feel or think, but unable to go back to sleep like Ron had. He looked out the window and saw the sun was already up. As he took another breath in, smelling distinctly of food, Harry made up his mind.

Silently he dressed in the clothes he had worn the night before and made his way back to the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley was overjoyed that he was there. One look at the table and it was obvious. There was a mound of bacon, waffles, eggs, hash browns, danishes, and almost anything else you could name. At the center of the table George, Ginny, and Hermione were eating. Moving towards the table he was intercepted by Mrs. Weasley.

"Harry! Good Morning!" She said enthusiastically as she hugged him.

He smiled as she let go and handed him a plate. "Good Morning Mrs. Weasley."

They all watched him dish up his plate. Mrs. Weasley herself sat down beside him and started dishing up a plate.

"What are your plans today Harry?" She asked while dropping a waffle on her plate.

Harry swallowed his bite of egg. "Looking for apartments. I reckon staying at Sirius' place again would be a bit depressing."

Mrs. Weasely stilled her movements. "You could just stay here. We have more than enough room."

Harry took a drink of pumpkin juice and then smiled at the Weasley mother. "I appreciate that Mrs. Weasley but I really think I need to make this step as an adult."

The Weasley kids and Hermione were looking at him in awe.

Mrs. Weasley herself looked between bewildered and proud. "Of course." She said.

Harry smiled and then met her eyes. His smile froze on his face. She had a scheming look about her.

"George dear," She turned her eyes to her son.

George chocked on his drink.

"Don't you have an open room."

George looked back and forth from Harry and Mrs. Weasley like a deer in the headlights.

Harry could see where this was going.

"Mrs. Weasley-" He started but George cut him off.

"You know Harry, mum's right I do have one empty bedroom."

Mrs. Weasley beamed.

Harry frowned. "I really don't want to-" George waved him off. His face indescribable.

"It would be nice to...um..." George cleared his throat,".. have some company."

Harry's frowned deepened. In the back of his mind he thought of the Dursley's, how he had been thrust upon them and now he was being thrust upon George.

"George..." Harry started, unsure how to continue.

"What my place not good enough for you Potter," George joked.

Harry started back peddling. "No- it isn't- I just." Harry stopped.

He was caught.

George scratched the back of his head. "I just have to clear some of... um... some of Fred's things out."

Horror filled Harry. He didn't want to take Fred's room! What was happening! All the Weasley's were looking at him expectantly. Somebody kicked his shin. He immediately looked at Ginny. She was giving a severe look. In that look, Harry could swear he saw his future if he said no.

"Alright. That would be nice, thank you." He said quietly.

George smiled at him.

"Let me know if you need any help."

George stood up, almost too cheerfully. "Nope. I'm good. I'll expect you around three." And with that, he left.

Harry slowly started eating his breakfast again. Unsure what just happened.

A grumble let Harry know Ron entered the kitchen. Sitting in George's now-vacant spot, he kissed Hermione's cheek and started loading his plate up.

"This looks great mum!" He said then looked at Harry and back to the food.

"Harry I am so glad your back."

Hermione hit the back of his head as him and Harry laughed.

Hermione herself was smiling.

...

Harry lounged around the Burrow for awhile after breakfast. Ron and Hermione had to visit Hermione's parents for lunch but promised to be back soon. Harry knew the minute he was alone with them he was going to be interrogated.

It was shortly after they left he built up the courage to talk to Ginny.

She had taken to hiding in her room.

He knew it was to avoid him, probably to keep her temper in rein. He knew she was upset he left. He knew he screwed things up with her. But he had to try to explain. He owed it to her.

Softly knocking on her door, he heard shuffling and then a faint, 'come in.'

Harry walked into the room and was hit with the memory of kissing her on his seventeenth birthday.

"Hey, Ginny." He said with a small smile.

"Do you mind if we talked."

She looked hesitant and felt the greatest hatred towards himself. But she nodded so Harry took a seat on her desk chair across from her. There was awkward silence as Harry tried to think about what to say. He had had it all planed out. Even discussed it in one of his sessions. Now that he was in the moment, standing in front of her, everything he say was gone.

She broke the silence.

"I'm glad you're moving in with George."

Harry looked at her in shock, not expecting her to bring that up.

"He hasn't been dealing with Fred's death too well." She gave him a tortured look. "Mum's been trying to get him to move back home for months. Says being alone isn't good for him."

Harry nodded slowly not sure what he was supposed to say.

She just continued and glared at him. "It'll do him good to be with another idiot who can't cope worth a shite. At least you'll be there for each other."

Harry winced. "Ginny-."

She stood up and started pacing. "You left Harry. You left without a note. Without a word. We had no idea if you were alive or not!"

Harry opened his mouth. "If you dare say you're sorry I will rip your pretty head off of your pretty body," She growled.

Harry smiled jokingly, "So you think I'm pretty?"

She gave a frustrating yell as she threw a book at him.

He ducked and put that comment in the bad timing box.

Realizing the situation was not going his way he stood and grabbed her shoulders. "Ginny," He said seriously. "I left you. I left everybody. It was wrong. And I do feel bad about it but I am glad I left."

She stopped fighting him and looked up at him.

He took this as a sign to continue. "I never wanted to leave you all. I had not planned on going where I was. I did not want to go there. But it was a good thing I went. You remember how screwed up I was after the Final Battle. I could barely function. And now for the first time in my life, I feel hopeful. I feel ready for the future. I know what I want."

He could see Ginny processing his words. Trying to understand. "You're not going to tell me where you were are you," She said sadly.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe someday, but I'm not ready for that." He grinned at her. "I can say that I wasn't spending any time with veela's."

She fought a grin. "So you know what you want to know, huh?"

He started to puller her towards him.

"Would it be too mushy if I said you?"

She pushed his hands off of him.

"So what, you think you can just come back, Potter."

He nodded uncertainty.

She hit his arm, and then kissed him.

It was like being home. It was wonderful. It was magical.

They both came up for air.

Her head resting against his chest.

"I am still furious with you," She said softly.

"I know," Harry murmured.

"If you ever leave again I will kill you."

Harry smiled, "I would hand you your wand."

She laughed.

AN: Hi Everybody please tell me what you think.


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